When I think of what I want Delicate Change to become, the phrase "Safe Haven" comes to mind. Right now I'm posting some hard stories about my struggle with postpartum OCD, anxiety, and depression, and those stories need to be told. I want people who are currently struggling to know that they aren't alone and I also want to create a safe place for them to rediscover themselves. When I was in therapy, my therapist quite literally told me I needed to get a life. I needed to stop obsessing about my kids 24/7 and rediscover my own identity. At the time, I was like, "excuse me, we are having a crisis, I CANNOT think of anything else!" Well, turns out, she was right. I did need to get a life. I needed to find other passions
I was able to discover tons of things I enjoyed and was passionate about. I love refinishing furniture and decorating houses. I love reading books and hanging out with girlfriends. There are SO many things in life to be excited about, but in the middle of the struggle you can't see that. I want to inspire women to move forward. I want to force them to take their attention off of their problems and show them things in life to be excited about. I've been told that my anxiety skyrocketed after I had Easton because now I had 2 children to take care of. 2 children to protect from danger. 2 children to love unconditionally and I did NOT take that responsibility lightly. Of course being a parent is a huge responsibility and the greatest honor in the world, but you also need to remember who you were first.
Before my husband or my children, I was Chelsea. I was a sarcastic, fun-loving girl who was always looking for a good time. I had a hard time deciding what my "dream job" would be, but I knew for certain being a mom was going to be my greatest calling. The key to life is finding balance. I needed to learn how to balance the responsibility of motherhood, while still remembering to take care of me. That is what my blog is about. Sharing hard stories, demolishing stigmas, and learning how to take care of yourself. You will never be able to be the best mom, friend, wife, girlfriend, daughter, etc. if you do not make a time and a space to "recharge" and take care of you.
I've decided that I will be posting new blogs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Mondays and Wednesdays (for now) will be devoted to postpartum issues and stories. Fridays will be about crafts, recipes, self-care, etc. Saturdays and Sundays I will post on Facebook little "self-care" tips to relax moms throughout the weekend. I also have an amazing mom, Lauren VanDerveer, who is going to be contributing to the blog. We connected through Postpartum Progress over 2 years ago and we share the same vision of helping women through being open and honest about our struggles. I've also been in contact with the therapist who helped me through my struggle and she has some amazing ideas and connections that we will be putting on the blog.
Everyone who has read my blog thus far has seen my struggle. Today I want to share WHY helping other moms is so important to me. 2 years ago I had a "rock bottom" moment. I had gone to Duluth with my husband and the boys. My husband travels for work and I was scared to be at home alone, so sometimes we went with him. On our first morning there, I took my newly prescribed anxiety medication and dabbed lavender on my wrists. By 6:30 I had finished my Joyce Meyer devotional and was already having crushing anxiety. I could not escape the anxiety or ease "the thoughts." I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. With tears rolling down my face I (literally) said, "You are not going to hurt those boys. If you believe that is a possibility, leave this hotel room right now. Call your husband and tell him you've left and never look back. If you are still here at 7, you will fight this and overcome it." I stayed, of course I stayed, but this was when I vowed I wouldn't let the disease steal my life or my joy of being a mom. I also decided when I beat it, I needed to help others beat it too.
*Edit: I want to make it very clear that by this point I KNEW I had OCD and I was I the care of a mental health professional. My children were at no point in any danger, I just had a crippling fear of hurting them and the repetitiveness of OCD made me very scared. OCD thoughts are anxiety based and NOT dangerous. Mom's with OCD do not hurt their children, they take extreme measures to avoid that. Even knowing that does not make the disease easier, which is why medication AND therapy were the right choice for me to use to beat it. : )
OCD sucks. Postpartum depression and anxiety suck. The lies of mental illness suck. But there's hope, I promise I've been to hell and back with this illness. Give it time, ask for help, and take care of yourself!
As always, thanks for reading! "Like", "Share", do ALL the things!!!